• Archives for January 2007 (3)

Interview With A Blogpire

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Published on: January 31, 2007

My friend Stacey sent me the following proof that I’ve always been this weird. This is from high school.

The following are the actual questions asked and the actual responses given by Ben Kanter.

Q: What is your name backwards?

A: Retnak Nhoj Nimajneb

Q: Who is the most inspirational Sesame Street character?

A: Oscar because Oscar don’t take no gruff from nobody

Q: What is you favorite element and why?

A: Vanadium because it sounds cool

Q: If you had to be stranded on a desert island for the rest of your life, who of the opposite sex would you take you?

A: (grabs me) YOU

Q: Why?

A: You’re standing right there.

Q: In you dream house, what would your front door knob look like?

A: A dragon’s head, that would be so cool.

Q: What animal would you be?

A: A platypus because they’re mammals yet they lays eggs

Q: Which leg do you put in your pants first?

A: I just put both feet in at once and slide them up.

Q: If you were the president of Djibouti, what would the first line of the national anthem be?

A: What’s up in Djibouti?

Q: What would be your Indian name?

A: Buffalo with tail in air

Q: If you had to loose one body part, what would you choose?

A: My left leg because I don’t use it very often. No, wait, one of my kidneys because you only need one. Oh, yeah yeah, put down nipple ‘cuz I got a spare.

Q: If you had to add one body part, what would you choose?

A: I would put an extra hand on my arm so it would be facing the other hand so I could clap with only one hand.

Q: If you had a Captain Planet ring, what would your power be?

A: Gronndy’s mom. If you don’t think that’s a power then you obviously haven’t met Gronndy’s mom.

Q: What’s your favorite quote from Toy Story?

A: “Who’s behind? Mine”

Q: Paper towel or hand dryer?

A: Both. You get most of the moisture off with the dryer, but then get the rest with the towel.

Q: Paper or plastic?

A: Plastic because I need them for cleaning the cat box

You’re welcome, internet.

Keep Your Feet On The Ground!

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Published on: January 27, 2007

So, this one time when I had medium length hair, and a big beard…

Namely, today…

I needed to get up early to buy my mother crutches. You see, she had to teach at 8, which, coincidentally is when Walgreens (The only local convenient source of crutches) opens. So, 8 am found me in line at the checkout in Walgreens, crutches in hand. The cashier asked me if I wanted a twenty-five cent package of some candy they had on promotion.

I play a lot of World of Warcraft. In World of Warcraft there are two main factions that players can be a part of: The Horde, and The Alliance. There is typically a great deal of animosity between these two factions, as their digital avatars tend to kill each other.

I play Alliance.

The cashier asked me if I wanted a twenty-five cent package of some candy they had on promotion. I said sure. Having already paid for my crutches with my debit card, I handed him a quarter from my pocket, and he took the box of candy from the large stack next to the register. Then he uttered the fateful words, “Heh, shrinking my horde.”

Then I said (supposing I was speaking too quietly to be heard), “Alliance for the win.”

He looked at me strangely. (Disproving my supposition.)

As I walked out the door, the customer behind me in line yelled to my back, “For the Horde!”

I think my friend Kaleb summed it up best when he said, “NEEERDZ!!”


A Conundrum, Wrapped in an Enigma, Wrapped in a Warm Flour Tortilla

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Published on: January 21, 2007


Anyone here…

Didn’t think so. Good. Things are as normal.

Now, to type as if you were here:
Hello, readers. Welcome back to Crap: The Blog, the Blog where everything’s made up and Rae stalks me. You may be wondering why there have been no posts of late. You are probably only wondering this if you’re new to C:tB, because lack of posting is what we do around here.

That’s about to change.

Ladies, gentlemen, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri, I hereby announce that I will officially be updating at least once every 8 days.

Let me say that again: I (your beloved leader) will update this (your beloved blog) every eight (your beloved… umm… number) days. This means that I pledge that from this point until some point in the future there will be no more than eight days between posts. Why eight, you ask? Because I chose that number arbitrarily.

Veteran readers of my blog were skeptical quite a while ago, and are now saying to themselves, “Yeah, right, what’s to keep him in line?” Fear not, gentle readers, I have a plan. For I have acquired a digital camera, and, for every day a post is late, I will use said camera to take a picture of me doing something stupid.

You heard me.

Or read me.

Err… the blog post I typed.

Be not afraid, I already have a backlog of apology photos ready to go.

Good night, internet, sleep well, good work today.

I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

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