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  • Archives for April 2006 (5)

Open Letter to Hoobastank

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Published on: April 30, 2006

(Considering how popular this blog is, I’m sure Hoobastank reads this, but just in case they don’t, could someone who knows them just pass it along, thanks.)

Dear Hoobastank,
If you were me, then I’d be you, and I’d use your helicopter to get to the top.
You can’t stop me no matter who you are.
Love,
Ben

In which our hero proves how truly uncool he really is

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Published on: April 27, 2006

Man, have you ever done that thing where you are listening to music and then you leave, and when you come back and turn the music back on you can’t believe you had it that loud? I just did that. It was wild.

Less Than Jake is cool.

Umm… I have no real reason to post. I mostly am just hitting some hardcore writer’s block on this Shakespeare paper I’m writing. I have a killer title. (I rule at titles. (Fun Fact: Last year I won the Elmer Schpederman Memorial Award for the best title on a paper in Literature and Writing II. True story.)(Addendum to fun fact: The title was: “my mind is a hunk of irrevocable nothing: The Thought Provoking Poetry of E.E. Cummings” Yes, that capitalization is correct. If you don’t understand why, read some Cummings. It will hurt your brain in the very coolest way possible.)(Yes, I like poetry. No, I don’t like Dickinson. Don’t even ask. Dickinson sucks. Seriously.)(I’m wondering how many parentheticals I can string together here. (probably lots) These are really just devices for artificially extending post length, which is cool by me.))

myself, walking in Dragon st
one fine August
night,i just
happened to meet

“how do you do” she smiling
said “thought you
were earning your living
or probably dead”

so Jones was murdered by
a man named Smith and
we sailed on the
Leviathan

- “206″ E.E. Cummings

Inquiring Minds Want to Know…

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Published on: April 24, 2006

Overall on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means “completely unsatisfactory” and 10 means “perfect in every way”, how would you rate your and your household’s experience with the following fruit juice and fruit drink brands?

Repeat the Swelling Strains

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Published on: April 20, 2006

Ahh… Spring. That time when a young man’s fancy turns to burning down all the trees on earth.

Stupid pollen spreading punks.

In other words, I hate allergies. Stupid things make me feel like I have gravel in my eye sockets, and my throat contantly feels dehydrated, no matter how much water I drink. Today the allergies brought a new weapon to the battlefield that is my immune system. They somehow managed to make my lip swell to inhuman size. This was rather annoying. I was just sitting in class, and zhoomp my lip ballooned right up. So weird. At first I thought that maybe my mutant powers (aside from the extra nipple) had finally arrived, but, alas, it was not to be. Superfluous nippleality will have to be my only power for now.

Most of these allergy problems seem to have been solved by the application of generic allergy medication. For only eight dolllars I can diminish my allergy symptoms for ten whole days! Hooray!

I hate allergies.

We'll Get the Blog to Kill the Pods!

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Published on: April 18, 2006

Hello, interwebs!

I’m almost tempted to pretend like I never left. But, I won’t, because giving into temptations that you almost have is the epitome of wrongness and weakness of spirit.

Besides, by being not very funny at all, and making random obscure references to random obscure things in my post titles it’s like I never left.

In any case, I missed you internet. (Yes, even you, you crazy stalker. (Fun fact: In the original version of my profile photo you can actually see my internet stalker in the background.)) So, I will now return to my regularly scheduled program of updating intermittently and then half-heartedly apologizing when I return.

Also, sometimes I will be funny, but mostly not.

The really funny part about this whole post is that it’s written as if I almost believe that someone still reads this thing. Whatever. I’m going to stick it in my IM name and redesign the site, and hope for the best.

Love ya, you crazy interweb monkeys, you.

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